Work avoidance

SC sometimes looks at well-studied problems and almost always, there's an alternative explanation lurking there, somewhere.
Arjun is paralysed in the Kurkshetra battlefield when he sees that he has to fight his own people and kill them. Hamlet, is paralysed by something, too and refrains from killing his stepfather. Before we delve into the underlying psychopathology of these situations, are we missing something obvious? 
Let's illustrate this by picturing a scene where we let these two gentlemen interact with a stereotypical South Indian boss - by that, I mean, efficient (yefishent), no-nonsense and smart, who calls them for a performance appraisal.

Scene 1 : Hamlet
Boss (B) : So, did you finish off that fellow's chapter?
Hamlet (H) : Sir, I did not.
B : Why not? Waiting for auspicious timea?
H : I thought about it and...
B : You think alsovaa?
H : I'm faced with moral issues in this matter. I cannot murder
B : How come you killed off all those other fellows then? That is ant-bite and this is murder?
H : Then I identify with him because of this Oedipus complex thingie I have.
B : Same story you gave last time also. You said you'll get it done through someone.
H : Yeah, but.
B : No but but. Either you tell me your problem or find some other job, like in Denmark GPO.
H : There is no problem. I'm just a little lazy, that's all. Will be done today.

Scene 2 : Arjun
B : Come, sir, come. What I owe this honour to?
A : Sir, you only called me.
B : Have you started the war with your cousins?
A : No. How can I fight my own relatives? My own Guru, my great grandfather...
B : Stop. Ok leave this war. There's another war without any blood relatives. You go there and fight. I'll transfer you there.
A : No, sir. I can't fight in general. I'm peace loving.
B : Oho? very good very good. You do the filing then for this office.
A : (breaks down) Sir, I can't do anything. I admit it, I'm just a bum. All my issues with fighting were made up.

See? They were just lazy people. Now, was that so hard?

Guitar solo fallacy

At SC, we've been to our share of live concerts. And at both of them, we noticed an odd phenomenon. At some point in the concert, when the crowd's settled down, in the course of a song, the lead guitarist steps up, does a solo, which consists of randomly touching the guitar in a bad way, in the high pitch areas, and at a high tempo, sort of like he's having a fit. The crowd, as if on cue, goes completely berserk. Now neither does this feat result in a pleasant sound (for human ears), nor does it look too difficult to do. So the traditional reasons for the crowd frenzy are downright lame.
The search for the actual explanation took us back to 1835, the year of the first rock concert in a little known town in England. Picture an 1835 concert. The audience is loud. To be heard above the din (it was the era of no mike), the guitarist keeps increasing the pitch. The audience, now relishing a good contest, keeps up. This pisses off the guitarist and at one point, he launches into the world's first guitar solo. The audience are up to the task because of their sheer number and keep up through frenzied high pitch shrieking. Of course, the police arrive in their 19th century uniforms (kudos to our research desk!) and stop the nonsense. The microphone was invented soon but not before the shrill solo and the audience shriek had become something of a habit.
So that's how what started as a 'who can make more noise' contest became a ritual to be upheld for the next 200 years.

The abhimanyu theory of film regression

We've got mails and letters from all over the world in the past two days. They raise a number of interesting world issues and questions but all of them ultimately talk about one puzzle that has them beat.
Why are bollywood movies getting so unbelievably crappy?
This seems to be keeping researchers all over the world up at night. We at SC believe that there is one right answer. Always. Talking about broad correlated trends - bah! - not our style. In the case of this question, the trick turned out to be hidden in the specific cribs about current movies.
'This Salman Khan movie is so dated'
'This Agneepath remake sucks but I also hated the old Agneepath'
'Oh my God, Bollywood seems to have gone back to the 80s'
The average movie-goer is 25 and bollywood for some strange reason seems to have regressed by 25 years. See it yet? Think Abhimanyu. Yes! Foetal auditory stimulation! When your pregnant mom was watching crappy Mithun movies and crappier you-killed-my-dad-i-will-join-your-gang-but-as-secret-police-and-then-kill-you plots, you were exposed subtly to the same. We all know that the soundtrack in those days contained the whole movie for practical purposes, unless the movie starred Zeenat Aman. This explains the irresistible force that attracts you repeatedly to the theater and ensures that all these movies which were right for 1987, are grossing Rs 100 cr in 2012.

Development Policies

By Bullstatix

Free TVs, Laptops are old news when it comes to election manifestos. In its latest manifesto PNDPA alliance has promised one free AC for each family if it comes to power. Development of a nation according to PNDPA does not depend on trivial things like education, equal opportunity etc. but on complicated factors like the ambient temperature. The supporting graph shows how average temperature and per capita GDP of various countries are related.
PNDPA spokes person claims that lower the temperature higher the per capita GDP of that nation, hence providing ACs to all is the natural path towards prosperity. Thorough application of Eyeball Econometrics proves the theory of PNDPA and gives strong support to their free AC program.Their logic is impeccable.
This analysis strengthens our belief that deep insights can be obtained from the use simple tools like two different colored pens and a sheet of paper.

Why is India Crowded?

By Bullstatix.

In a stunning revelation researchers at super-craponomics have found true reason for India being over crowded. No its not high birth rate... its not average of 4.5 kids per family.. its not low mortality rate(although that would have been an equally surprising finding). It is actually the inefficiency of passport offices in India. Come to think of it, the only legal way of reducing population (unless you seek a legal precedent in Sanjay's methods) is through emigration. So the solution to India's population trouble is simple - privatize passport offices and incentivize them by paying variable fee linked to number of emigrations.

Kala Ghoda, concerts and local trains

Ever tried going anywhere in Mumbai to do anything? It's not possible, is it? Because there are 1 million people who are there already, who've either blocked you out of another life experience altogether, or ensure that all life experiences resemble getting into a morning local at Kurla.
Take the Kala Ghoda festival, for example. I've tried to break into the inner circle (literally) several times in this annual festival that happens every quarter. But I never get beyond the food stalls. Some others who've been regulars (at the food stalls) now believe that that's all there is to the festival. Why would someone take a train from Virar, say, go to Kala Ghoda, eat a pani puri after hustling through a sea of a lakh people, and return to Virar? So that's three local train experiences in one day. The answer lies in his/her expectations when he/she set out. Sitting on the steps, with only the night sky above you, listening to live music with a chai in your hands.
I try to call the box office at a concert hall. Sold out. Movies. Sold out. Except the 3D sci-fi animation whateva that no one really watches. Is all this just a problem of too many people? Should we just say people north of Sion go off to Pune to watch movies or to experience culture? Maybe, maybe not.
The solution is to increase the capacity of the local train network. The hustle and chaos and free market ruthlessness of local train seating has left the average Mumbaiite with a psychological need for 'organised crowd' experiences. Places where their seat is assured and they can keep their entire..er..tashreef. A simple thought experiment would be sufficient to illustrate. Let's assume a multiplex announces a 2 hour movie show without a movie. You just sit in the a/c theater for 2 hours, stare at a blank screen, close your nose when someone orders a stale chicken sandwich and maybe doze off. This would run to packed houses, just like Laaga Chunari Mein Daag did, which everyone says was worse than no movie.
So rather than shoving people out of Mumbai, just add a few trains and tracks. You'll soon be able to get tickets to a Salman Khan movie on Saturday night or to go to Kala Ghoda early morning and sit on the steps that very same evening.